When we step into a new year, we carried with us lessons, memories, and sometimes, the weight of past hurts. Whether they stem from church-related experiences, relationships, or life’s unexpected challenges, these wounds can hold us back from the peace and joy God desires for us.
Hurt is a universal experience – whether it’s the sting of betrayal, the ache of unmet expectations, or the pain of feeling unseen or unheard. Church hurts can cut especially deep because they often involve people we trusted spiritually. Maybe it was harsh criticism, exclusion, or hypocrisy that left you disillusioned. Outside the church, you might have faced relational heartbreak, family conflicts, or even professional disappointments.
These hurts don’t just disappear with time. They linger, shaping how we view others, ourselves, and even God. Left unaddressed, they can lead to bitterness, mistrust, and a hardened heart. But here’s the good news: healing and forgiveness are possible. They’re not always easy, but with God’s help, they’re within reach.
Let’s explore how we can overcome these past hurts, starting the year with a lighter heart and renewed hope.
Recognising the Depth of Hurt
Hurts are not one-size-fits-all. Some wounds are like paper cuts – minor yet persistent. Others feel like deep gashes that threaten to derail our faith and joy. Church-related hurts, in particular, can be confusing. How do you reconcile the pain caused by those who preach love and grace?
Maybe you were judged unfairly, overlooked for your contributions, or discouraged by a lack of integrity in leadership. These moments can make you question your faith community, and sometimes even God Himself.
Beyond church walls, life’s challenges can also leave scars. Perhaps a close friend betrayed your trust, or you were let down by someone you relied on. Maybe you’ve faced rejection, loss, or unfair treatment that has left you feeling vulnerable and cautious about opening your heart again.
Recognising the depth of your hurt is crucial. You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.
Steps to Overcoming Past Hurts
1. Bring Your Hurts to God
The first and most important step is to bring your pain to God. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God is not distant in your pain; He’s present, ready to comfort and guide you.
Pray honestly. Tell Him how you feel – your frustrations, doubts, and fears. Pouring your heart out to God is therapeutic and invites Him into your healing journey.
Help Me! – sometimes that is best and the only prayer you will be able to pray in the moment of pain, hurt or defeat.
2. Acknowledge the Complexity of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is essential but not always straightforward. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrong or pretending it didn’t happen. Instead, it’s choosing to release the hold the offense has on you.
Ephesians 4:32 encourages us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Forgiveness often feels impossible when the hurt is fresh or deep. But start by making the decision to forgive, even if your emotions haven’t caught up yet. Pray for the strength to let go, and over time, God will soften your heart. Remember, forgiveness is more about freeing yourself than excusing the other person.
3. Understand the Purpose of Reconciliation
Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same. While forgiveness releases you from bitterness, reconciliation requires mutual effort and trust.
For example, if your hurt involves someone in your church, it might help to seek guidance from a trusted leader or mediator. Matthew 5:23-24 teaches us the importance of pursuing peace, but only when it is safe and God-led. Sometimes, reconciliation isn’t possible, and that’s okay. Healing doesn’t depend on someone else’s response.
4. Guard Your Heart Against Bitterness
Unresolved hurt can easily grow into bitterness, which poisons our hearts and relationships. Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Ask God to reveal any bitterness lingering in your heart. Surrender it to Him daily, and allow His love to fill those broken places. Bitterness only deepens your pain; letting it go brings freedom.
5. Find Healing in Community
Isolation is one of the enemy’s greatest tools. When we’re hurt, the temptation to withdraw is strong. But healing often happens in the context of community.
Surround yourself with trusted friends, family, or a support group that can offer encouragement and accountability. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Allow others to walk alongside you, reminding you of God’s love and promises.
6. Turn to Scripture for Renewal
God’s Word is full of promises for the hurting. Meditate on verses like Psalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” These truths remind us that God is actively working to restore us.
Consider journaling scriptures that resonate with you and revisiting them when discouragement creeps in. Let His Word replace the lies and fears that past hurts may have planted in your heart.
7. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Healing is a process, not an event. Be patient with yourself and trust that God is working, even when progress feels slow. Philippians 1:6 assures us, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Some days will feel lighter than others, and that’s okay. Celebrate small victories, knowing they’re steps toward the complete healing God has in store for you.
Embracing the New Year with Hope
The start of a new year is a beautiful opportunity to let go of the past and embrace the hope of a fresh beginning. It’s not about pretending the hurts didn’t happen, but about choosing to move forward with God’s grace and strength.
Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Trust that God is working everything – even your pain – for your good.
Your journey of forgiveness and healing can inspire others. By sharing how God has brought you through, you can be a beacon of hope to those still struggling.
Conclusion
This year, choose to overcome past hurts by leaning into God’s love, grace, and guidance. Forgiveness and healing are not easy, but they are worth it.
Let this year be one of freedom, where you walk unshackled by bitterness or regret. Trust God’s plan, and step boldly into the new year with a lighter heart and renewed hope. You’re not alone, God is with you every step of the way. To learn more about church hurts, check out Reason we get hurt by the church.
