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Church Hurts: Questions and Answers

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Last updated on August 2nd, 2023 at 08:49 pm

What are church hurts? 

Church hurts refer to any type of pain (emotional, physical, or spiritual) caused by negative experiences in a religious or church setting. This can include experiences such as feeling excluded, rejected, or judged by fellow church members. It also includes experiencing abuse or mistreatment by church leaders.

Do I need to be part of the church?

God commands us to be part of the church for our own benefit. 23 Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, since he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, 25 not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching Hebrews 23-24.

Why do church hurts happen? 

Doctrine disagreements, power struggles, and harsh words can cause church hurts. Physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse can also happen inside the church.

What are some examples of church hurts? 

Examples of church hurts can include feeling ostracized or excluded by a church community and being judged by church leaders or members. Public humiliation in church, and being misunderstood, are other examples of church hurts.

How can church hurt impact a person’s spiritual life?

 Church hurts can lead to feelings of disillusionment, anger, or sadness that can affect a person’s relationship with God. In worst-case scenarios, they can lead people to blame or hold a grudge against God. Some people have left their faith because the church has hurt them.

How can a person heal from church hurts? 

Healing from church hurts can involve seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend. Engaging in practices such as prayer, meditation, and forgiveness can quicken the healing process. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13.

Should a person confront the person or people who have hurt them?

Addressing those who have hurt you can be beneficial, but only if it is done in a safe and comfortable environment. 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector Matthew 18: 15-17.

What can churches do to prevent church hurts? 

Churches can prevent church hurts by fostering a culture of inclusion, acceptance, and love. Also, by implementing policies and procedures that prioritize the safety and well-being of all members.  Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins 1 Peter 4:8.

Can a person still have a relationship with God after experiencing church hurts? 

Yes, a person can still have a relationship with God after experiencing church hurts. Spiritual growth and healing can come through the practice of prayer and worship. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34 vs 18. Ultimately, having a relationship with God is a personal choice. Nothing can separate us from the love of God Romans 8 vs 31-39.

Is it possible to find a church community that won’t cause church hurts? 

Finding a church community that meets one’s values and provides a safe and supportive environment is possible. The only way to find the right community for you is to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Let God show you which church community you should be part of. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left Isaiah 30:21.

How can a person know if they should leave a church that has caused them church hurts? 

When they feel unsafe or unwelcome in the community. If they are being mistreated or abused by church leaders or members, it might be a good time to leave. Sometimes taking a short break from church is all you need. In my case, I had to move to a different branch of the same church where I could worship God freely.

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